Hesitation

I was tired this morning, my energy felt spent before the day even began. Walking in the rain was liberating somehow. The squish of the water beneath my shoes, the steady rhythm of the falling raindrops, both played their part in washing some of the helplessness away. It fell just softly enough as I made a short trek back to my apartment that I wasn’t drenched, and was able to watch as it turned into a downpour through my window. I find that there’s no better time to reflect than watching the rain. August is starting out slow, but I look to the weeks ahead in great anticipation.

Last night before I fell asleep, I was listening to Hanson’s ‘Chasing Down My Dreams.’ When the line that says ‘I’m not waiting anymore,’ came up, I felt this sudden great surge in my heart. I felt inspired beyond what I can explain. I have moments when a certain part of Hanson song will strike me in just the right way and at just the right moment like it hasn’t before. Last night, this song had wisdom to partake for my particular situation. The time has come that I really have to buckle down and fight for my dreams. The song talks about hesitating and waiting for things to happen. I have learned that this only serves us for so long before we have to take action. The steps along the journey can be daunting and make us afraid of failure. But we have to overcome that fear if we want to see those amazing results. As Michael Jackson once said, “Stop this agony of wishing,/ Play it out/ Don't think, don't hesitate/Curving back within yourself/ Just create... Just create.” This is my goal—to begin living for creating and not just thinking about what I might do and worry about how I will translate my imagination over to my art. I want to take the risk that my message will come across to those who most need to hear it, and forget about what could happen if I was misunderstood. I have to reach out in faith if I want the world to reach back. I’m still fighting against the hesitation, but I trust myself enough not to let it win.